Not, really, that was the most fascinating time, full of fun, friendship in this company and it's pity that I fully realized this only after years I quitted. I miss all my friends I had when working there.
I see people leaving, I see new faces of people I'll never know, I sincerely happy when I can talk to people I'd been working with, now I even happy to talk to our customers :) I like going upstairs, looking and chatting to the people I worked in support with, joking, smiling, laughing, remembering :) Or do I just need to change something?
Yeah, you know, this is a feeling-in-one-moment. I'm a person who cant work with people anymore, but sometimes I need people around to be happy :) That's why right now I'm preparing training for supporters about linux kernel :-) I used to read trainings when working in support, and this is the only thing i can do now for them and make me remember the past times :). The only thing I feel I need to change now, is that I used just to talk, now I'm going to make audience talk to me, make suggestions, discuss topics. Will try to make fun for me and for them :)
mood: People, where are you?! :)
music: Doro Pecsh "In Freiheit Stribt Mein Herz"
Nov 26, 2009
Oct 20, 2009
"Botanic Gargen" or remembering of past summer.
A few days ago I've finally realized, that warm summer days are in a deep past, and even a dry and and colourful Autumn will not present us with it's beauty anymore.
Grey days and icy mornings will now lead to early winter.
So lets say farewell to summer of 2009. Sometimes It looked for me difficult and unfair, but in reality it brought real happiness and quiet.
Let me show you one day in Mosow Botanic Garden.
That were several days later after I was taken here for the first time.
I was so impressed by the it's nature, so here are some pics.
Botanic Garden is a very-very large park in the North Part of Moscow. You can spend here days walking along it's long roads and looking around to the old trees and pretty flowers.
The garden is full of small grades, some of them even decorated in it's own style. The below pics are from Japan Garden. Calm and green place, even despite of lots people walking and making noise around :)
music: Metallica "Turn the page"
mood: tired, but good :)
Grey days and icy mornings will now lead to early winter.
So lets say farewell to summer of 2009. Sometimes It looked for me difficult and unfair, but in reality it brought real happiness and quiet.
Let me show you one day in Mosow Botanic Garden.
That were several days later after I was taken here for the first time.
I was so impressed by the it's nature, so here are some pics.
Botanic Garden is a very-very large park in the North Part of Moscow. You can spend here days walking along it's long roads and looking around to the old trees and pretty flowers.
The garden is full of small grades, some of them even decorated in it's own style. The below pics are from Japan Garden. Calm and green place, even despite of lots people walking and making noise around :)
music: Metallica "Turn the page"
mood: tired, but good :)
Oct 9, 2009
energy vampires
There're some people that make us really furious.
One of them -- make us doing something just for a pity.
They do not ask, no, but they look so poor, so unhappy and stress this so greatly that we do something they want us to do, cause we feel like we just must do this, cause we're happy and successful, in the same time when they're not.
Others -- trying to be our friends - kind and truthful. They know how we feel, they know our past, present and look like real friends. We cant even know that there is something they need from us. They're just waiting for a moment. A moment when they can hurt us especially painful. Making us angry, making us trying to defence something important for us.
This second category similar to the first one, with some difference: they're stronger, they pretend wishing only good, taking an offence when we fight for the privacy they're trying to hurt.
Really hate these people and do my best not to have them around me.
Sometimes it's getting to be a difficult task.
mood: angry
music: aria
One of them -- make us doing something just for a pity.
They do not ask, no, but they look so poor, so unhappy and stress this so greatly that we do something they want us to do, cause we feel like we just must do this, cause we're happy and successful, in the same time when they're not.
Others -- trying to be our friends - kind and truthful. They know how we feel, they know our past, present and look like real friends. We cant even know that there is something they need from us. They're just waiting for a moment. A moment when they can hurt us especially painful. Making us angry, making us trying to defence something important for us.
This second category similar to the first one, with some difference: they're stronger, they pretend wishing only good, taking an offence when we fight for the privacy they're trying to hurt.
Really hate these people and do my best not to have them around me.
Sometimes it's getting to be a difficult task.
mood: angry
music: aria
Sep 30, 2009
Only heaven knows....
Seems we've been to heaven darling
Ah the sad wind blows
But I have lost my way my darling
Tell me how it goes
While the mist is rising darling
Ah the sad wind blows
Tell me how we met my darling
Tell me all you know
Well I am somewhat older darling
Ah the sad wind blows
And you are so much younger darling
That's the way it goes
And we looked so good together
Ah the sad wind blows
Out of all the summer flowers
I had picked the rose
Take me in your arms my darling
While the sad wind blows
Tell me that this pain will leave me
Tell me how it goes
Ah if this pain should ever leave me
Only heaven knows
(music and text by Joan Baez)
mood: empty....
music: Joan Baez
Ah the sad wind blows
But I have lost my way my darling
Tell me how it goes
While the mist is rising darling
Ah the sad wind blows
Tell me how we met my darling
Tell me all you know
Well I am somewhat older darling
Ah the sad wind blows
And you are so much younger darling
That's the way it goes
And we looked so good together
Ah the sad wind blows
Out of all the summer flowers
I had picked the rose
Take me in your arms my darling
While the sad wind blows
Tell me that this pain will leave me
Tell me how it goes
Ah if this pain should ever leave me
Only heaven knows
(music and text by Joan Baez)
mood: empty....
music: Joan Baez
Sep 4, 2009
sea stone
Imagine a dark blue sea. Dark as a summer starless night. Deep as an endless black precipice.
Far-far away from sear shore there is a stone constantly washed by waves, it looks partly green, partly brown from the distance. Usually the stone is a place where fat sea birds dry their wings.
I'm not a very good swimmer (just afraid of deep water), but once a day I've finally reached the stone. I came out, that it's actually a group of a rather large stones, with one main peak that's seen from the sea shore.
I climbed to the stone and stood up. Looked around -- in front of me is just a endless water, back is a far earth :) Nice feeling of a unity with a almost wild nature, only shoals of fish and sea gulls are surfing around.
The stone itself should be especially described. It's not actually the stone, that are myriads of shells, one on one mixed up with different colours of seaweeds, the sea world is full of colours and it's a real wonder to see them all and to understand how different this world from the one we live in, how beautiful are all these small fishes, medusas, brits ...
Do you know what I needed to be completely happy? -- You, diving somewhere besides me and waterproof photo-camera (lol) to make pictures of the beauty around :)
So, there is a late hi from sunny and hot Bulgaria :) I lived there for the last two
weeks :)
Aug 15, 2009
photo sessions :)
Seems that I haven't updated my photos for a very long time. Will try to fix it.
Here are my very recent photos from Kolomenskoe garden. All pictures are click-able :)
Near the Moscow river:
On the canon:
The canon reminds me a phallic symbol :-D
From another rainy, but warm Moscow late evening. Some very nice place with lightened trees and benches. The quality is not good, cause it was late and rainy. I was completely wet after the photo session :)
mood: good :)
music: "Apocalyptica"
Here are my very recent photos from Kolomenskoe garden. All pictures are click-able :)
Near the Moscow river:
On the canon:
The canon reminds me a phallic symbol :-D
From another rainy, but warm Moscow late evening. Some very nice place with lightened trees and benches. The quality is not good, cause it was late and rainy. I was completely wet after the photo session :)
mood: good :)
music: "Apocalyptica"
Aug 9, 2009
Aug 2, 2009
"moments of transition" (c)
"All of life can be broken down into moments of transition and moments of revelation... G'Quan wrote: "There is a darkness greater than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities: it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender." The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain." (c) G'Kar.
Back to life (c)
I'm getting back to the file.
The last few (since April) months were the hardest, the most awful in my life, when I didnt know who are am, what I'am doing here, what's my aim and what's the real fantasy and what's the lie...
Sometimes the Universe makes your dream come true, when this is your only wish, when you want and desperately need to be lied, but everything should be paid for, this is the law, this is how it should be, I know. Every pain you make to someone, is getting back to you and you should live with it until it makes you alive and until you takes it till the end. I agree to pay, cause now I've changed, I've understood something very-very special that makes be believe in future, in truthful universe, now I'm really know :) or at least I believe in it, dont you think that "faith manages" (c)?
Now, when the depression(or not depression? but smth I didnt like in myself, that prevented me from connecting with other people, from being myself) is leaving my broken world, I'm thinking of past, of people I've knew and who were (and still is!) most important for me, I'm feeling really sorry for leaving you alone, I've given too much time to my own problems and difficulties...
You know, I looked thought the pages in your blog and my heart started to beat more often when I saw the pictures of you and sweet little Elias. It has been being my favourite dream to see both of you, for past few years :) To hug Elias tenderly and to kiss his most attractive Father in the world :)
Can you probably send me some picture when you're together, that I can keep always with me? :)
Hope you still remember of me. :)
Kissing you tenderly and passionately, and hoping to hear from you :)
music: "Die Toten Hosen"
mood: I do not know yet... :) but thinking of You :)
The last few (since April) months were the hardest, the most awful in my life, when I didnt know who are am, what I'am doing here, what's my aim and what's the real fantasy and what's the lie...
Sometimes the Universe makes your dream come true, when this is your only wish, when you want and desperately need to be lied, but everything should be paid for, this is the law, this is how it should be, I know. Every pain you make to someone, is getting back to you and you should live with it until it makes you alive and until you takes it till the end. I agree to pay, cause now I've changed, I've understood something very-very special that makes be believe in future, in truthful universe, now I'm really know :) or at least I believe in it, dont you think that "faith manages" (c)?
Now, when the depression(or not depression? but smth I didnt like in myself, that prevented me from connecting with other people, from being myself) is leaving my broken world, I'm thinking of past, of people I've knew and who were (and still is!) most important for me, I'm feeling really sorry for leaving you alone, I've given too much time to my own problems and difficulties...
You know, I looked thought the pages in your blog and my heart started to beat more often when I saw the pictures of you and sweet little Elias. It has been being my favourite dream to see both of you, for past few years :) To hug Elias tenderly and to kiss his most attractive Father in the world :)
Can you probably send me some picture when you're together, that I can keep always with me? :)
Hope you still remember of me. :)
Kissing you tenderly and passionately, and hoping to hear from you :)
music: "Die Toten Hosen"
mood: I do not know yet... :) but thinking of You :)
May 4, 2009
"the answer is blowing in the wind..." (c)
This song plays in my head for last few days. Really wonderful lyrics, great meaning, every word is full of sense.
Let's listen it together? One more time...
Let's listen it together? One more time...
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