Seems we've been to heaven darling
Ah the sad wind blows
But I have lost my way my darling
Tell me how it goes
While the mist is rising darling
Ah the sad wind blows
Tell me how we met my darling
Tell me all you know
Well I am somewhat older darling
Ah the sad wind blows
And you are so much younger darling
That's the way it goes
And we looked so good together
Ah the sad wind blows
Out of all the summer flowers
I had picked the rose
Take me in your arms my darling
While the sad wind blows
Tell me that this pain will leave me
Tell me how it goes
Ah if this pain should ever leave me
Only heaven knows
(music and text by Joan Baez)
mood: empty....
music: Joan Baez
Sep 30, 2009
Sep 4, 2009
sea stone
Imagine a dark blue sea. Dark as a summer starless night. Deep as an endless black precipice.
Far-far away from sear shore there is a stone constantly washed by waves, it looks partly green, partly brown from the distance. Usually the stone is a place where fat sea birds dry their wings.
I'm not a very good swimmer (just afraid of deep water), but once a day I've finally reached the stone. I came out, that it's actually a group of a rather large stones, with one main peak that's seen from the sea shore.
I climbed to the stone and stood up. Looked around -- in front of me is just a endless water, back is a far earth :) Nice feeling of a unity with a almost wild nature, only shoals of fish and sea gulls are surfing around.
The stone itself should be especially described. It's not actually the stone, that are myriads of shells, one on one mixed up with different colours of seaweeds, the sea world is full of colours and it's a real wonder to see them all and to understand how different this world from the one we live in, how beautiful are all these small fishes, medusas, brits ...
Do you know what I needed to be completely happy? -- You, diving somewhere besides me and waterproof photo-camera (lol) to make pictures of the beauty around :)
So, there is a late hi from sunny and hot Bulgaria :) I lived there for the last two
weeks :)
Aug 15, 2009
photo sessions :)
Seems that I haven't updated my photos for a very long time. Will try to fix it.
Here are my very recent photos from Kolomenskoe garden. All pictures are click-able :)
Near the Moscow river:
On the canon:
The canon reminds me a phallic symbol :-D
From another rainy, but warm Moscow late evening. Some very nice place with lightened trees and benches. The quality is not good, cause it was late and rainy. I was completely wet after the photo session :)
mood: good :)
music: "Apocalyptica"
Here are my very recent photos from Kolomenskoe garden. All pictures are click-able :)
Near the Moscow river:
On the canon:
The canon reminds me a phallic symbol :-D
From another rainy, but warm Moscow late evening. Some very nice place with lightened trees and benches. The quality is not good, cause it was late and rainy. I was completely wet after the photo session :)
mood: good :)
music: "Apocalyptica"
Aug 9, 2009
Aug 2, 2009
"moments of transition" (c)
"All of life can be broken down into moments of transition and moments of revelation... G'Quan wrote: "There is a darkness greater than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities: it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender." The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain." (c) G'Kar.
Back to life (c)
I'm getting back to the file.
The last few (since April) months were the hardest, the most awful in my life, when I didnt know who are am, what I'am doing here, what's my aim and what's the real fantasy and what's the lie...
Sometimes the Universe makes your dream come true, when this is your only wish, when you want and desperately need to be lied, but everything should be paid for, this is the law, this is how it should be, I know. Every pain you make to someone, is getting back to you and you should live with it until it makes you alive and until you takes it till the end. I agree to pay, cause now I've changed, I've understood something very-very special that makes be believe in future, in truthful universe, now I'm really know :) or at least I believe in it, dont you think that "faith manages" (c)?
Now, when the depression(or not depression? but smth I didnt like in myself, that prevented me from connecting with other people, from being myself) is leaving my broken world, I'm thinking of past, of people I've knew and who were (and still is!) most important for me, I'm feeling really sorry for leaving you alone, I've given too much time to my own problems and difficulties...
You know, I looked thought the pages in your blog and my heart started to beat more often when I saw the pictures of you and sweet little Elias. It has been being my favourite dream to see both of you, for past few years :) To hug Elias tenderly and to kiss his most attractive Father in the world :)
Can you probably send me some picture when you're together, that I can keep always with me? :)
Hope you still remember of me. :)
Kissing you tenderly and passionately, and hoping to hear from you :)
music: "Die Toten Hosen"
mood: I do not know yet... :) but thinking of You :)
The last few (since April) months were the hardest, the most awful in my life, when I didnt know who are am, what I'am doing here, what's my aim and what's the real fantasy and what's the lie...
Sometimes the Universe makes your dream come true, when this is your only wish, when you want and desperately need to be lied, but everything should be paid for, this is the law, this is how it should be, I know. Every pain you make to someone, is getting back to you and you should live with it until it makes you alive and until you takes it till the end. I agree to pay, cause now I've changed, I've understood something very-very special that makes be believe in future, in truthful universe, now I'm really know :) or at least I believe in it, dont you think that "faith manages" (c)?
Now, when the depression(or not depression? but smth I didnt like in myself, that prevented me from connecting with other people, from being myself) is leaving my broken world, I'm thinking of past, of people I've knew and who were (and still is!) most important for me, I'm feeling really sorry for leaving you alone, I've given too much time to my own problems and difficulties...
You know, I looked thought the pages in your blog and my heart started to beat more often when I saw the pictures of you and sweet little Elias. It has been being my favourite dream to see both of you, for past few years :) To hug Elias tenderly and to kiss his most attractive Father in the world :)
Can you probably send me some picture when you're together, that I can keep always with me? :)
Hope you still remember of me. :)
Kissing you tenderly and passionately, and hoping to hear from you :)
music: "Die Toten Hosen"
mood: I do not know yet... :) but thinking of You :)
May 4, 2009
"the answer is blowing in the wind..." (c)
This song plays in my head for last few days. Really wonderful lyrics, great meaning, every word is full of sense.
Let's listen it together? One more time...
Let's listen it together? One more time...
Just thinking...
Looking on this, I see fields of superblock structures...
Am I getting crazy...? o_O
music: "Angra"
Am I getting crazy...? o_O
00000000 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 |................|
*
00010000 de 11 de 11 81 9d f2 d2 4c 53 49 20 20 20 20 20 |........LSI |
00010010 10 00 00 55 00 00 00 00 37 27 7c 30 37 27 90 54 |...U....7'|07'.T|
00010020 30 31 2e 30 30 2e 30 30 00 00 00 a7 37 29 b4 bf |01.00.00....7)..|
00010030 00 00 01 ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
00010040 ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
*
00010060 00 00 00 00 08 8b 19 e5 00 00 00 00 08 8a 79 f5 |..............y.|
00010070 00 ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
00010080 00 0f 00 0f 00 08 00 02 00 10 ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
00010090 ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
*
000100c0 00 00 00 01 00 00 00 01 00 00 00 02 00 00 00 02 |................|
000100d0 00 00 00 04 00 00 00 02 00 00 00 06 00 00 00 12 |................|
000100e0 00 00 00 18 00 00 00 01 00 00 00 19 00 00 00 08 |................|
000100f0 ff ff ff ff 00 00 00 00 ff ff ff ff 00 00 00 00 |................|
00010100 ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff |................|
*
00010200
music: "Angra"
Mar 29, 2009
Mar 19, 2009
[webhosting] who is the best?
This time came, that I cannot host rat.ru on the server where it currently lives anymore. Truly speaking, I knew this for a long time already, but now it's time to act.
My dear good far friend, I guess you know much more than me about hosting world, so can you please share your experience with me?
What I need:
Dedicated server (I guess) with at least 1 gb of RAM, it will run several web sites (3 or 4) and one huge forum (and this is the main problem). The forum runs under SMF system (it uses MySQL & PHP), if that matters. The forum has more than 4.000 unique visitors a day and makes ~1.5 GB bandwidth a day. And these numbers are growing... In the result it creates rather big load average.
Probably there will be mail and DNS servers on the machine.
Ideally, I'm ready to pay up to 100$ monthly for hosting.
I searched for hosting providers... I do not trust Russian onces much, so I guess I'll need some European hosting providers. I've found keyweb.de .
They have 'KM 9200 DC' machine for 49 Euro (http://www.keyweb.de/dedicated/index.shtml), which looks good for me.
Do you know anything about keyweb? Or can you suggest anything to me, for example hosting provider that you use? :)
Forgot to mention, I'd like to have the below setup:
Physical machines runs some Red Hat/Fedora with OpenVZ kernel, and OpenVZ runs a single virtual machine where all the sites and forum live.
You can ask why do I need OpenVZ? I'll explain. Currently rat.ru lives on OpenVZ virtual machine, so It'd we very easy to move to a new hosting -- just to transfer virtual machine to the system with OpenVZ, and I case we'll need to change hosting provider in future, I can just to move this virtual machine once again.
My dear good far friend, I guess you know much more than me about hosting world, so can you please share your experience with me?
What I need:
Dedicated server (I guess) with at least 1 gb of RAM, it will run several web sites (3 or 4) and one huge forum (and this is the main problem). The forum runs under SMF system (it uses MySQL & PHP), if that matters. The forum has more than 4.000 unique visitors a day and makes ~1.5 GB bandwidth a day. And these numbers are growing... In the result it creates rather big load average.
Probably there will be mail and DNS servers on the machine.
Ideally, I'm ready to pay up to 100$ monthly for hosting.
I searched for hosting providers... I do not trust Russian onces much, so I guess I'll need some European hosting providers. I've found keyweb.de .
They have 'KM 9200 DC' machine for 49 Euro (http://www.keyweb.de/dedicated/index.shtml), which looks good for me.
Do you know anything about keyweb? Or can you suggest anything to me, for example hosting provider that you use? :)
Forgot to mention, I'd like to have the below setup:
Physical machines runs some Red Hat/Fedora with OpenVZ kernel, and OpenVZ runs a single virtual machine where all the sites and forum live.
You can ask why do I need OpenVZ? I'll explain. Currently rat.ru lives on OpenVZ virtual machine, so It'd we very easy to move to a new hosting -- just to transfer virtual machine to the system with OpenVZ, and I case we'll need to change hosting provider in future, I can just to move this virtual machine once again.
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